Self-esteem and accomplishment
The common notion about our children (and ourselves) is that we must protect self-esteem like a precious egg. We are warned not to provide tasks that might cause frustration, to avoid criticism, to always state things positively, and to reward even small accomplishments. It has been asserted that we need self-esteem to be successful. It's not true.
Self-esteem is not in and of itself a bad thing. It can support emotional adjustment and enhance quality of life, especially if it develops in the context of accomplishment, self-control, and strong, positive interactions with family and friends. However, research finds little or no relationship between self-esteem and academic success--or to accomplishment in general. We all know perfectionistic students or students from demanding homes who get marvelous grades but never feel they are good enough. We also know students who are confident they are wonderful and do not do well in school due to a lack of effort.
Research does show that self-efficacy, a major component of a growth mindset, is highly correlated to accomplishment. To help our children develop a growth mindset:
Self-esteem is not in and of itself a bad thing. It can support emotional adjustment and enhance quality of life, especially if it develops in the context of accomplishment, self-control, and strong, positive interactions with family and friends. However, research finds little or no relationship between self-esteem and academic success--or to accomplishment in general. We all know perfectionistic students or students from demanding homes who get marvelous grades but never feel they are good enough. We also know students who are confident they are wonderful and do not do well in school due to a lack of effort.
Research does show that self-efficacy, a major component of a growth mindset, is highly correlated to accomplishment. To help our children develop a growth mindset:
- We must ask them to face challenges that may frustrate them at times, but are possible if they put in the effort and use good strategies.
- We must help them accept honest critiques of their work and use what they hear to develop strategies to perform
better. - We must recognize and support real accomplishments.
There can be two negative side-effects when we give praise for even the smallest acomplishments. First, our children will begin to expect constant praise and not develop emotional resilience. Secondly, the praise we give when one of our children does accomplish something noteworthy will be devalued since it is no different than the praise given for everything else he does or other students do.
- As parents, we must learn to lose the guilt for not always bolstering self-esteem.
If our children get upset or frustrated at times it is not our job to immediately make them feel better. It is our job, as parents, to help them learn to cope with frustration and develop strategies to overcome it.
The Kids' Take: Self-esteem and worry about being smart
In this video, written and performed by two of our students, Harley and Ella demonstrate how parents who immediately attribute success to being smart can actually cause our kids to doubt their self-worth when faced with a challenge. |
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Good Morning America investigates the effects of praise
The link below will take you to a Good Morning America article about mindset and highlights the negative effects of focussing too heavily on self-esteem.
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World renowned educator discusses the quality of feedback to our kids
The video below is a commentary by Dylan Wiliam (a well-known researcher in education) on the feedback we give students based on whether it is ego-oriented (that is the best paper in the class) or task-oriented (your skills with differential equations is developing well, I think you are ready for more complex problems). He comments that the research indicates it would actually be better to say nothing than to give ego-oriented feedback.
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References
Murphy, A.P. & Allen, J. (2007). Why praise can be bad for your kids. Retrieved from ABC Good Morning America Online Website: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=2877896&page=1
Wiliam, D. (2012). Feedback on learning-Dylan Wiliam. Retrieved from The Journey to Excellence Online Website: http://www.journeytoexcellence.org.uk/videos/expertspeakers/feedbackonlearningdylanwiliam.asp
Wiliam, D. (2012). Feedback on learning-Dylan Wiliam. Retrieved from The Journey to Excellence Online Website: http://www.journeytoexcellence.org.uk/videos/expertspeakers/feedbackonlearningdylanwiliam.asp