Mindset and beliefs about failure
Some educators argue that students should never be told they failed and assert that "fail" is a four lettered word. Help your child learn to accept failure, not as a defeat, but as a step in the learning process. Failing is a part of striving to accomplish great things. It is a part of stretching yourself beyond your own comfort zone.
If a student has a fixed mindset and believes failure means he is not smart he may want to avoid challenging activities for fear of losing his label as the smart one. For this student, the word "fail" is an assault on his ego. He may respond to failure by first and foremost protecting his ego. His beliefs about failure could include any of the following:
* Failure is a statement that I am not smart or talented
* Failure should be avoided because I do not feel smart when I fail
* Failure should be avoided because other people do not think I am smart when I fail
* If the possibility of failure looms I can opt out with one of these strategies:
* I will not try and ; instead, I will tell myself and others that I don't care about the work because it is boring
* I will misdirect others by acting-out so they think I am defiant instead of not-smart
* I will create an image of myself as lazy instead of not-smart
* I will find and overvalue the significance of low-level tasks so I can continue to be successful without effort
A student with a growth mindset may make the following interpretations.
* Failure is an assessment of where my skill levels are now
* I can use what I learn from this failure to work smarter or harder on my next attempt
* I now have a clear assessment of my present skill level that I can use to plan better on how to reach the next skill level
* I can draw on resources available to help me develop a strategy to perform better next time
If a student has a fixed mindset and believes failure means he is not smart he may want to avoid challenging activities for fear of losing his label as the smart one. For this student, the word "fail" is an assault on his ego. He may respond to failure by first and foremost protecting his ego. His beliefs about failure could include any of the following:
* Failure is a statement that I am not smart or talented
* Failure should be avoided because I do not feel smart when I fail
* Failure should be avoided because other people do not think I am smart when I fail
* If the possibility of failure looms I can opt out with one of these strategies:
* I will not try and ; instead, I will tell myself and others that I don't care about the work because it is boring
* I will misdirect others by acting-out so they think I am defiant instead of not-smart
* I will create an image of myself as lazy instead of not-smart
* I will find and overvalue the significance of low-level tasks so I can continue to be successful without effort
A student with a growth mindset may make the following interpretations.
* Failure is an assessment of where my skill levels are now
* I can use what I learn from this failure to work smarter or harder on my next attempt
* I now have a clear assessment of my present skill level that I can use to plan better on how to reach the next skill level
* I can draw on resources available to help me develop a strategy to perform better next time
Supporting a growth mindset interpretation for lack of success
It is important for you, as a parent, to remain as calm and analytical in your reponse to failure as you can (yes, we know that is not always easy to do). Your child will often read your reaction to determine how upset he should be.
If your child put forth good effort but was not successful, ask questions to help him focus on using his analysis of his lack of success to create a strategy for performing better next time.
* Let’s look at what you did accomplish. What can you learn from what you accomplished?
* What can you learn from the parts of the assignment (task, test) where you were not successful?
* Do you have a clear understanding of the concepts, skills or knowledge you need to acquire to be successful?
* How can you use what you have learned from assessing your performance to be more successful next time?
* What strategies did you use?
* Do you need to use a different strategy?
* Is there someone who can support your efforts to be successful next time?
* How will you go about getting the help you need?
If your child did not put forth good effort, ask a set of questions focused on assessing the importance of effort.
* How much effort did you put into this task?
* What prevented you from putting in greater effort?
* Can you be successful next time if you increase your effort?
Use your conversation to focus on future performance, pointing out that his lack of success has given him more information he can use to plan effectively for his next success.
If your child struggles with coping with failure because of perfectionism, we recommend that you go to our Perfectionistic Beliefs and Mindset page.
If your child put forth good effort but was not successful, ask questions to help him focus on using his analysis of his lack of success to create a strategy for performing better next time.
* Let’s look at what you did accomplish. What can you learn from what you accomplished?
* What can you learn from the parts of the assignment (task, test) where you were not successful?
* Do you have a clear understanding of the concepts, skills or knowledge you need to acquire to be successful?
* How can you use what you have learned from assessing your performance to be more successful next time?
* What strategies did you use?
* Do you need to use a different strategy?
* Is there someone who can support your efforts to be successful next time?
* How will you go about getting the help you need?
If your child did not put forth good effort, ask a set of questions focused on assessing the importance of effort.
* How much effort did you put into this task?
* What prevented you from putting in greater effort?
* Can you be successful next time if you increase your effort?
Use your conversation to focus on future performance, pointing out that his lack of success has given him more information he can use to plan effectively for his next success.
If your child struggles with coping with failure because of perfectionism, we recommend that you go to our Perfectionistic Beliefs and Mindset page.
The Kids' Take: Handling failure and frustration
In this video, written and performed by two of our students, Charlotte and Kaytlin demonstrate how parent comments when a child is feeling frustrated can greatly impact how the student responds when facing failure. These situation provide the parent an opportunity to support a growth mindset and avoid the pitfalls of reinforcing a fixed mindset. As you will see, supporting a growth mindset can sometimes be as simple as asking the right question. |
References
Dweck, Carol S. (2008) Mindset: The new psychology of success. Ballantine Books, NY.
Lightsey, Richard. (1999). Albert Bandura and the Exercise of Self-Efficacy. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy. 13:2 pp 158-166.
Usher, Ellen L., Pajares, Frank. (2008). Sources of Self-efficacy in school: Critical review of the literature and future directions. Review of Educational Research. 78:4 pp 751-796
Lightsey, Richard. (1999). Albert Bandura and the Exercise of Self-Efficacy. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy. 13:2 pp 158-166.
Usher, Ellen L., Pajares, Frank. (2008). Sources of Self-efficacy in school: Critical review of the literature and future directions. Review of Educational Research. 78:4 pp 751-796